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  “And why’s that?” Antonia asked. She gripped a little harder onto her son’s hand, even though he was asleep and couldn’t possibly comfort her in this moment.

  “You’re just walking on very thin ice with me right now,” Paul said. “Remember, Antonia, I’m the one with the stable job. I’m the one with the same house that we lived in while we were married. It would be pretty simple for Daniel, you know, if he were to come stay with me full time.”

  A flash of terror washed over Antonia. Her face burned as she considered Paul’s veiled threat. “Why are you doing this, Paul?” Antonia asked, dropping her son’s hand and getting to her feet, if only to fool herself into thinking that she was actually taking action rather than feebly arguing with her ex-husband. “You agreed to visitation rights when we divorced. Why are you trying to make things more complicated now?”

  “You were the one that made things complicated when you moved in with that man,” Paul said. No kindness or softness remained in his voice anymore. “You should think very carefully before you call me like this again. Have a good day.”

  Before Antonia could come up with anything else to say to keep him on the phone, he hung up, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

  “God damn it!” Antonia muttered to herself, biting down on her lip to keep herself from screaming out loud in frustration.

  Paul was going to try to take Daniel away, or at the very least he was going to let the threat of it hang over Antonia’s head until she did whatever it was that he wanted from her. Maybe he wants custody, Antonia wondered. She paced back and forth over the whole length of her bedroom, checking to make sure that Daniel was still sleeping relatively peacefully every few seconds. No, Paul doesn’t want Daniel full time. Not really. He has too many flings to worry about, too many girls to fuck and then fuck over. He must have some other motive, some other reason for wanting Daniel around more often. But what could it be? And how can I stop him?

  Antonia didn’t know what to do. She hated this feeling. She needed some kind of guidance, some kind of help from somebody she could trust. But that was the problem: there was nobody in her life that she did trust except for Daniel, except for maybe Bobby, and they were both children. So what could she do?

  There’s Cal, some part of her whispered inside her mind. I could tell Cal what’s going on. Maybe he could help.

  A thousand other voices in her head shouted the smaller one down, saying that it was such a stupid idea. She wasn’t with Cal, and anyway, she didn’t even want to be. If she tried to get him involved in a custody battle with Paul, things could get messy fast, and that was exactly what she didn’t want to do.

  What other choice do I have? Antonia thought to herself. She crossed the room to stand across from the mirror, staring at her own pale reflection. None of the other voices in her head could come up with a solution.

  So that settles it, she thought. She blew out her breath and stretched down to her toes just to feel in control of her body, at least for a brief moment. I’ll ask Cal. He’ll know what to do. He’ll help.

  But first, she had to get the boys up and ready. Daniel had preschool today, and Bobby had his first playdate ever with a friend of an old coworker. She needed to focus on those tasks first before she could worry about Paul and his stupid bullshit.

  I’ll focus on the boys, she said to herself as she dug out an outfit for the day. The boys come first.

  Still, she couldn’t dislodge the festering knot of dread that rested at the bottom of her stomach, threatening to erupt and send her over the edge. I can’t lose Daniel, she thought. She breathed deeply to try to calm herself down. I can’t. I won’t. I won’t.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Cal

  That day, Cal only had a few appointments, so he was able to leave work after 3:30 or so. Usually, he would go straight to the Bone Breakers compound to work on MC business, but today he felt the need to go straight home first. He had to tell Antonia about the club, as soon as possible. If I don’t do it today, I’ll never do it, he thought as he sped on the highway towards his house. I have to tell her. I have to.

  He parked his bike and ran up the sidewalk, getting into the house as quickly as possible. He turned the corner, expecting to find Antonia in the kitchen like she usually was when he came home, but before he could walk any further, he felt a hand on his back, stilling him immediately. Cal turned around to find Antonia, her face stained with tears.

  “Fuck. What is it? What’s wrong?” Cal asked. He stepped forward to cradle Antonia’s face with his hands. He didn’t have time to wonder what the hell he was doing or to freak out about crossing some unspoken boundary with his employee. She was in pain. That was all that mattered at the moment.

  “It’s—it’s nothing, it’s stupid,” Antonia said, sniffling a little. “I just can’t stop crying,” she added with a laugh, waving at her face as if to provide evidence.

  “What happened?” Cal asked.

  “It’s Paul,” Antonia said. “My ex. I called him to ask what happened with Daniel, you know, because of the bruises and the nightmare that he wouldn’t talk about. And he suggested that it’s because of me, not him, because of the new living situation, all of us living here together. He said he could get custody if he wanted to, basically.” Antonia wiped her face with the back of her hand, blinking several times to keep the unshed tears from falling onto her face.

  “He can’t just do that, though,” Cal said, even though he honestly wasn’t sure whether that was true or not. He tried to sound as confident as possible for Antonia’s sake, even if he didn’t know the first thing about custody law.

  “Maybe, maybe not,” Antonia said. She wiped her nose on her sleeve. “He’s a cop, remember? And he’s got a lot of big friends, powerful people in political positions. He could hurt me if he wanted to.” She paused and shook her head at herself, sighing deeply and running her hands through her hair. “I don’t know why I’m crying now. I talked to him hours ago, in the morning, but I guess it just hit me now, you know? With both of the boys gone, it could be like this. My life could be like this every day without Daniel.” She shut her eyes and inhaled deeply, clearly fighting with herself to keep from crying even more.

  Cal stepped closer and pressed his forehead against Antonia’s. “Antonia, open your eyes. Look at me.” After a few seconds of hesitation, she complied, her teary eyes staring directly into his. “It’s going to be okay. I promise.”

  “You can’t promise that,” Antonia said, sniffling a little. Cal half expected her to yank herself out of his grasp, but she remained in place, even leaning a little bit into Cal’s touch.

  “Watch me,” Cal said, smiling a little to encourage her. “Listen, I might just be crazy, but I’m telling you that I won’t let him take Daniel from you. I won’t let it happen.”

  “He’s got a lot of power. I don’t know what he could really do if he decided to use it,” Antonia said. A few more tears slid down her cheek.

  Cal brushed her tears out of the way with his thumb, leaning down to kiss the place where they fell. Antonia trembled underneath his touch. “I won’t let him,” he swore in a low whisper, letting his lips skim over Antonia’s cheek, down her chin, and up the other side of her face. “I know you don’t know this about me, but I have a lot of power, too. And I swear I will use every ounce of it to make sure that Daniel stays with us.”

  Us. His heart stuttered in his chest as soon as the last word left his mouth, but he made no move to take it back, letting it hang like fog in the air. Antonia looked up at him with wide, fearful eyes, but he thought he could detect a little glimmer of hope in there, too. She was so fucking beautiful, even when she was totally wrecked like this—maybe even especially when she was like this, bereft of all masks and carefully maintained emotional walls. Cal just couldn’t help himself. He knew it was the wrong time for it, but he leaned in to kiss her again, softly brushing their lips together, tasting the salt of her tears against his tongue.

  It took
her a second to respond, but when she did, it was with more force than Cal ever could have anticipated. Antonia grabbed the back of his head, tangling her hands into his hair and guiding him forward until they both fell back onto the couch, their legs wrapping around each other instinctively. “Antonia, wait—” Cal tried to say in between frantic, feverish kisses, but Antonia cut him off with her tongue, licking so deeply into his mouth that he thought he was breathing her in, taking her into his lungs.

  “I can’t wait, okay? Not right now. I need you,” Antonia whispered into his mouth. She grabbed his face before he could get a chance to respond.

  Cal was tempted to throw her off entirely, to tell her that she wasn’t in the right state of mind and that he couldn’t take advantage of her like this. But Antonia had never seemed more in control of her body, at least not since Cal had gotten to know her. She seemed to have unlocked some hidden strength in her muscles, suddenly capable of pinning Cal down, forcing him further into the couch cushion beneath him, utterly helpless to her touch.

  Cal decided to give in, kissing her back as hard as she evidently wanted, letting her bite down forcefully on his lips. Antonia licked at him like she was trying to consume all of him, like she was starving for him. Despite everything, he couldn’t help but feel elated. His head swam with a thousand emotions, all of them joyful, as Antonia clutched at him, pulling him tighter against her body.

  “I need this,” she whispered into his mouth again, biting and licking and sucking until Cal whimpered and bit back at her, turning the tables so that she was pressed down onto the couch under his weight instead. “Yes,” Antonia sighed out in response. She wrapped her legs tightly around his waist. “Yes, please.”

  Cal pulled back a little to stare in Antonia’s eyes, searching for any sign of doubt or hesitation or fear. He didn’t find any, so he decided to push ahead, but first, he rubbed his hand along the side of her face, willing any tension he found there to dissipate. It wasn’t one hundred percent effective, exactly, but she shut her eyes and breathed more steadily, opening her mouth in silent invitation for Cal to kiss her again. She wants this, he thought as he found the hem of her shirt, pushing it up so he could rub at her stomach. She needs this. And I do, too.

  This time, Cal couldn’t bear to drag things out, even though in the back of his mind he knew he would love to tease her as thoroughly as she’d teased him the night before. But no, right now she needed to be comforted, to be held, to be reassured that everything was going to be okay. Cal gently kissed her neck, dropping soft kisses along her shoulders and the tops of her arms before sinking lower, carefully removing her shirt so he could kiss in between her breasts. “Yes, please, yes,” Antonia whispered above him, running her fingers through his hair again and again.

  Cal ran his tongue from Antonia’s breasts over her stomach down to her hips, mouthing over the luscious hills of her body until she whined in impatience, wordlessly telling him to hurry up. He got out of his own shirt and pants, leaving himself naked, before he undid Antonia’s pants, tugging them along with her panties down to the floor. “Smell so good,” he murmured as he sank down to her crotch, licking the outside of her leaking lips, swallowing around the sweet, bitter flavor of her wetness.

  “Thank you,” Antonia whispered, so softly that Cal could barely hear her over the sound of his own heart and the deep, ragged noise of Antonia’s breathing. He rubbed his hands up and down the sides of her body several times, massaging the sides of her ribcage until she began to breathe more slowly and deeply. Cal could feel her heart thunder against her skin, but he wasn’t sure if it was out of fear or lust. I’ll just have to make sure that it’s the latter, he thought to himself as he began to press light, teasing kisses on the outside of her lower lips, using the tips of his fingers to spread her wetness up from her hole to the area around her clit.

  “Oh, fuck,” Antonia murmured. She angled her hips upward so that Cal’s tongue brushed up against her hole. “Jesus, your mouth is so fucking sweet.”

  Cal smiled against her pussy, kissing the tiny little birthmark right above her clit. He’d never noticed it before, but he decided now that he loved it. He wanted to kiss it more often, every day if she’d let him. He licked circles around it, letting his tongue wander down to her clit, gently pushing it up and down and side to side while his fingertips danced along the edge of her hole, making her moan brokenly.

  “Taste so good,” he murmured, more to himself than to Antonia, but if the sound of her laughter the next moment was anything to go by, she heard him and appreciated the sentiment. Slowly, carefully, he stuck the tip of his finger inside of her hole, pressing down harder on her clit with his tongue to distract her from any discomfort she might feel, even though he knew she was strong enough to take much more than just his finger.

  “Ugh, yes,” Antonia moaned out. Her hips rocked forward, her natural lubrication rubbing up against Cal’s face, getting his whole mouth wet as he licked at her. “Suck me?” she asked a few moments later. Cal looked up through his eyelashes to see Antonia’s desperate, reddened face, feeling a deep sense of satisfaction at the desire that he spotted hiding in her eyes like a predator among the trees of a forest. I know you, baby, he said silently, smiling to himself as he dragged his tongue along the full length of her vulva. I know you’re a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and I fucking love it.

  “Please,” Antonia whined out, jerking her hips forward a little more, thrusting against his mouth. “Suck me.”

  Her voice was sweet, so cutely pathetic, that he just had to comply. Cal carefully took her left lip between his teeth and began to suck, moving his tongue around the sensitive flesh. She arched her spine and groan out brokenly, her voice echoing in the silence of the empty house around them. “Yes, yes, yes, baby, yes,” she called out, rubbing over the back of his head and grabbing the back of his neck.

  Cal slipped his finger in deeper into Antonia’s hole, smiling against her clit when she gasped above him. He licked her open with more force, tasting more of her against his tongue, swallowing around her, desperate to take some part of her inside of him. He needed some reminder, some souvenir to carry around with him, to prove that this was real. They weren’t just fucking this time. They were making love, and for some reason Cal didn’t even feel scared. Maybe that was the truly terrifying thing about it, how easy and simple it felt, like they were born to do this, like they were put on this earth just so they could have sweet, soft, slow sex.

  Antonia’s nails found Cal’s back, retracing the marks from the night before, when she’d dug in just a little too deep. Cal welcomed the pain. He wanted her to sink into him, to use him as a life raft when the sensations between her legs became too much to bear. She groaned as he latched his lips around her clit, sucking softly and then gradually harder and harder, feeling her heartbeat in his mouth.

  “Deeper, please, give it to me deeper,” she grunted after a few moments. Cal immediately gave her what she wanted, sticking his whole finger inside of her, moving it in careful circles until he found the right spot, the right angle that made her squirm around and then seize like she was being given electric shocks. “Shit, shit, shit, there, there, please, there,” she rambled, her head tossing from one side of the couch to the other as she gasped for air.

  Cal didn’t wait very long before he slipped another finger inside Antonia. She panted heavily and clutched harder at Cal’s shoulders, tugging him in deeper, encouraging him to keep sucking at her clit with more and more force. “Mm, please,” Antonia called out. Her eyes screwed shut and her eyebrows furrowed together as Cal applied more pressure on her cunt with his fingers and his mouth.

  “What do you want?” Cal whispered. His lips brushed up against her clit teasingly while he thrust his fingers shallowly in and out of Antonia’s cunt.

  Antonia’s breathing became more ragged, sweat rolling down the front of her body as she jerked her hips up and down, rolling along to the rhythm Cal had set with his fingers. “I—I, ohhh,” she moane
d. She signed deeply and brushing some of the hair away from her sweaty face.

  “What do you want, baby?” Cal repeated. His tongue swept from the bottom of her pussy all the way to the top of her clit, then traveled back down again. Antonia shivered and shook in response.

  “I want you,” Antonia began, huffing out her breath like it was taking every ounce of energy in her body to force out the words, “to fuck me. Please.”

  Cal grinned and began biting his way up Antonia’s body, starting with the junction of her thighs and sliding his way up her pussy, to her stomach, up towards her deliciously heaving breasts. “Please,” Antonia added in a high-pitched whine, sighing so pathetically that Cal’s heart hurt a little bit.

  He leaned up until he was hovering over Antonia’s mouth, waiting for her to open her eyes and look at him again before he finally spoke. “Don’t worry, baby. I’m going to take care of you,” he whispered. Then he leaned in and brushed his lips over hers, gently pressing with his tongue until she granted him entry. He wanted her to taste herself, to enjoy the complexity of her own flavors. When he pulled back to stare down into her eyes, he saw Antonia flush bashfully and avert her eyes, her eyelashes batting against her smooth skin as she avoided looking directly at Cal.